Email: I have feelings for this guy, lets call him Leremy, how do I tell him about this feelings?
Ok, let’s see here. Follow these steps carefully and do exactly as I say.
Write a mysterious letter telling them that “It Will Happen At 5AM.” Make about 5 copies of it and send him one every day. After a week is over, I want you to go out a buy a guitar. Any type of guitar will do, whether it be expensive or cheap. Then, at 4 AM I want you to go over to his house and start staring at his ceiling. He will most likely be wide awake thinking about what’s going to happen at 5 AM. Wait outside his window until about 4:30, then start to slowly strum the guitar. Note that this will best work if the guitar is hideously out of tune. Also, try not to play it too loud. Just play it so that it is barely audible from about 10 feet away. Keep this up for about 10 minutes, and the start playing the song “Marry Had A Little Lamb” as slowly as you can. If you don’t already know how to play this on the guitar, I suggest you learn it. Start off very slowly, waiting about 10 seconds between notes. Then, start playing it faster and faster. Eventually, you need to go so fast that you aren’t even playing the song anymore but are just moving your fingers maliciously up and down on the neck of the guitar. Do this until 4:50 AM. That’s when you stop, and hide in a nearby bush. He will probably check outside his window a couple of times during this silence, and that’s what your goal is. At exactly 5 AM, pay especially close attention. As soon as he pops his head out of the window to look outside for another time, take the guitar and throw it straight at his window. What you hope to happen is that it will hit him in the head and he will fall back into his room. After this, pull the gun out of your pocket and storm into his house. Kill anyone that tries to stop you except for “Leremy.” Once you get up to his room, take the gun and shoot him in the leg. This will keep him from going anywhere. Now, lay the gun softly on the floor of his room. He will most likely be crying in pain, but don’t worry about that for now. So, once you’ve infiltrated his room, you need to start walking towards him. The slower you walk, the better. Next, you need to pull out a small whistle. Slowly move it up to your mouth, widening your eyes every inch it gets closer. Now, press it against your lips, and whistle for a cab and when it comes near the license plate says FRESH and it’ll have dice in the mirror. If anything, you can say that the cab is rare, but just forget it and say “Yo Homes, To Bel-Air!” You’ll pull up to a house around 7 or 8 and yell to the cabbie “Yo Homes, smell you later.” Look at your kingdom and you’ll be finally there to sit on your thrown as the prince of bel-air. Then take the gun and shoot yourself in your head.
Hope I could help,
-Jeremy
If you have a problem of your own, email me at AnswerMyProblems@gmail.com
Posted by fanfictiondramatica 
